I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
