he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize