Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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