I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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