hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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