The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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