Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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