On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize