we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
