Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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