seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
