need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
