He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
