I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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