Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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