He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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