U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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