There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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