Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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