I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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