I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
