she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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