Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
