Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
