Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
