My hand turned me down
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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