sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
