using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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