oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
