be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
