look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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