I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
