we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
