god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
