I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
