What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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