I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think people are normalizing furries
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
