ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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