We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
