he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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