dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
