my mouth tastes like poor choices
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
