ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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