his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
