I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's never too late to be topless.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
