I think I died a long time ago.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
