I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
