I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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