That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize