Sponge bath it is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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