3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im holly from the hills drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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