the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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