I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
