Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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