the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
