My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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