if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
