"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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