And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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