I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
