I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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