Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
