I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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