Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
