Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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