At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
