Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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