Jerry, you need to find god
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
