Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
