i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
