dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The adults are the big ones right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
