Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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