textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
