your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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